Windows 8 Is A Catastrophe. Tell Us How You Really Feel.

By Chester Comments 11


Windows 8 RTM launched yesterday to great fanfare, just a week after Valve’s Gabe Newell, CEO of the leading game developer and company behind Steam, dropped the quote heard all around the world… and is still ringing in Redmond:

I think Windows 8 is a catastrophe for everyone in the PC space. I think we’ll lose some of the top-tier PC/OEMs, who will exit the market. I think margins will be destroyed for a bunch of people.

If only all multi-billion dollar tech company CEOs would be so candid and tell us how they really feel. Since they can’t (or won’t), I’ve taken the liberty of putting words in the mouths of prominent CEOs that reflect how they are, or should be feeling about Windows 8.

Now you might be asking yourself why should you (or these CEOs) care about Windows 8? The answer, quite simply, is that it’s about to rock your world, and the worlds of your customers, your friends, and your family – the real world.

Without further ado, let’s see what each of these 10 fine CEOs *would* say, if they could tell us how they really feel about Windows 8. Note: besides the noted exceptions, these quotes do not represent true or actual thoughts of anyone but me. 😉

“We have nothing to lose…other than 1.3 billion Windows users. Fuck it. I’m all in.” – Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft

“Anything can be forced to converge. Tradeoffs at the end of the day don’t please anyone. You can converge a toaster and a refrigerator, but won’t please anyone.” – Tim Cook, CEO of Apple (actually, this is what he really said about Windows 8)

“Let’s remind everyone who the real monopoly is – Windows 8 commoditizes search engines (even our pals at Apple make Google default in iOS) that are not Bing and neuters browsers that are not IE.” – Larry Page, CEO of Google

“Microsoft is trying to lock out competing browsers when it comes to Windows running on ARM chips. IE is allowed there but not Firefox or Chrome or Opera or any other competitive browser. This is bad for the Web.” – Gary Kovacs, CEO of Mozilla (actually Asa Dotzler of Mozilla did say this)

“While Sinofsky was unveiling Windows 8 on ARM processors September 13, 2011 at Build, I was on another stage at IDF showing off Android on Intel processors with my new BFF Andy Rubin. Windows 8 signifies the largest divorce in tech history – we had some good times together, Wintel.” – Paul Otellini, CEO of Intel

“I’m hoping that Windows 8 saves the PC industry, just like you’re hoping to win the lottery. If not, we’ve got a spot for Metro on our tombstone right next to Vista, Media Center Edition, Bob, and I’m hoping Surface.”  – Meg Whitman, CEO of HP (or any PC OEM CEO)

”First they give us millions of dollars, then they take on our biggest rival. The enemy of my enemy is my friend. Go Windows 8!” – Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Facebook

“Thank God (and Ballmer) they added (limited) Flash support.” – Marc Pincus, CEO of Zynga

“Crap, Microsoft bundling Office with certain Win 8 versions and turning it into a subscription service can’t be good for me, can it? There goes 40% of retail software sales.” – G. Mike Mikan, CEO of Best Buy

The Internet is for porn. Somehow, Microsoft left off the world’s largest porn site from the approved, (limited) Flash support list. We’ll find our way around this – we always do. The Internet is for porn.” – Steven Hirsch,  Chairman of Vivid Entertainment

And here’s one last bonus quote, which also happens to be real. Rob Pardo, Executive Vice President of Game Design at Blizzard, tweeted that Microsoft’s new OS is “not awesome for Blizzard either” and  that Windows 8 “has some nice concepts, but it seems poorly-executed and forces ordinary users to re-learn their computer too much.”

Windows 8 is coming October 26th. Tell us how you really feel.

Update: If you want to try for yourself and tell us what you really think about Windows 8, the final build has leaked according to The Verge.

  • Guest

    so you made up a bunch of quotes? Who cares

  • Sada

    Just use it for a few months and you will love it

  • brain_up

    Not a fan of closed systems. How’s gabe doin with that linux?

  • Tom

    Dear Pokki, you’re tacky and I hate you. No, really, I just installed the RTM and went to install ‘Instagrille’ from the app store but it wanted me to download some poker dot shit. I’m good thanks. x

  • Schwabe

    I commend you for speaking out against Microsoft’s tyranny.    Long has Windows been a great platform for software & game developers, but Microsoft’s new strategy of cannibalization; vertical-integration; and consolidation is what I believe will be the catalyst for a mass exodus of Windows developers.   As a software producer, Ubuntu has never looked more appealing. 

  • Iots

    This pokki stuff is realy useless. In my PC it has the record of the minimum time it survived before uninstalling.
    What a stupid little programm

  • ms lover hater both

    there are touch computers and touchless computers. MS ackownledge that! touchless computers should have Metro on the background, touch computers have metro for default. Is simple, isn’t it ? And why cant I press anywhere on screen with my mouse to navigate instead of the horizontal scroll bar in the bottom. Is so much more difficult to scroll… does touch computers have to use the horizontal scroll bar? nooooo. And why doesnt the app store has a search button? and why did I had to guest the navigational corners on the screen, a tutorial would be handy, maybe?

  • test

    pokki is cool

  • Mister V

    Pokki adds no value to my Windows 8. Well you get what you pay for so stop whining! For me, Stardock’s Start8, even though $5, is a much greater improvement.

  • EpOorklep

    Was lured in Utorr for a game ended up with a shitty win hijacker called pokki. Dont care to find out what you are and who your about……..Uninstall. A program that needs to be sneaked in on the back of another program is deemed not worthy of my time.
    And says everything about your company’s core value’s….Sneaky…..under the table…out of sight through the backdoor. etc.
    Needless to say company’s resorting to that measures should be torched to the ground. Already got a match…gasoline anyone?!?

  • David

    Hate it, have removed it and re-installed Windows 7, Windows 8 will never darken my laptop again! How can Microsoft sell a touch screen operating system and expect Millloins of people who use tradititional mouse and keyboard systems to use this crap?
    If I have to replace my laptop I will up-grade it Windows 7 as Windows 8 is a downgrade! If I cant usre Windows 7 I will simply purchase a Mac. Windows 8 will lose Microsoft $millions.